I hope one day Kayla can say to the devil “I will not allow you to define my relationships. I will not allow you to defeat God’s plans. I will not let you destroy the good God brings to my life. I will not let you destroy my son’s relationship with his granddad and aunts and uncles. I will not allow you to dictate who I let in my heart. I will not believe the lies you have led others to believe. I will let God and only God, who loves me so much to give me this second chance, to direct my life. Hello, devil, My name is Kayla Justinn Howard, and I will not believe the lies you tell any longer. God runs my life, NOT you!”
I’m not who I used to be
all my life I have been called unworthy
child lift up your head
Kayla is the type of girl who wants to make a difference in this world. She wants to make changes for the better. She wants to make her son’s world a better place.
I just wish she could understand that change takes time,and effort. If she could understand that yes,maybe she thinks her life is pretty good, but God wants things for her life that she never dreamed. He wants more for Elijah’s life than she has even imagined. She IS the difference that will improve the world, her life and Elijah’s. All she has to do is have faith in God that He will guide and protect her. IF she could get her boyfriend and Elijah and go to papaw’s funeral, then we could all go eat afterward, or the park or ANYTHING, then it would please God because it shows her faith in Him. Not herself, not in us, but her faith in God. He has the ability to make things so much easier on her. She wouldn’t have to be busting her butt trying to make a life and a future for them. Just taking this one baby step and a couple more along the way, like actually giving her all for a year, or even a season, God would open her life up to everything she’s dreamed of. I know in my heart that the longer she takes to accept us (whom God has given back to her) then the longer she will struggle. I pray she could see things the way they really are, the way God wants them to be, and not the way the devil wants her to see them. He wants her to think its impossible and not worth it, when in reality it is and IS worth it. He has His plans and they are so much more than ours. Kayla Justinn Howard-you are the answered prayer, and we may just be the beginning to yours but you have to try. For God, for you and for Elijah.
She Calls Him Son
If they lived here she would see him more, she wouldn’t have to work, just go to school full time, she wouldn’t have to pay a day care or sitter and she’d get to come home to his sweet smile and not have to worry about anything. We would’ve made sure she had a vehicle, we’d put her on our insurance, They would both have no worries and would have so much support they wouldn’t even know what to do with it all. <3 If only. I looked forward to seeing her feel the love of this family of hers and see the ‘freeness’ in her eyes. Free from pain, worry and burden. That’s what I want for her and Elijah. Freedom to live and love and adventure.
I remember there was a time not that long ago
When your entire head
Fit into my hand
With room to spare
Now you’re growing so fast
You’re looking, you’re seeing
You’re smiling, you’re recognizing
You’re living and loving.
Your hair is coming in thicker
And your face is showing more…
Kayla deserves a man who will love her just as much as her daddy does….but she will never recognize that kind of love until she allows herself to see her dad for the man he is..until she builds that relationship she will never know what she islooking for and what she deserves. Her dad is an awesome dad and he is an awesome husband…she can not continue to punish him because he could never be what her mom wanted, just like she shouldn’t be punished for not being able to be what Joshua really wanted. We can not change our gender and can not change the gender that the ones we love are seeking. Anyway, when she sees finally that her dad is one of the most loving, strong, faithful men there are in this world, she will be able to recognize the right man as soon as he sees her it will be like love at first sight, no doubts,no fears. The room will stop and they will just know. Until then, she is just settling and playing games. I KNOW this man is down here. I KNOW it like I KNOW my own name! Elijah deserves to have this man in his life too and he deserves to see his mommy more. THEY would have it so good here, especially when we buy our new house.We always make sure we have room for her just in case God needs us to provide for her.
I wanted to escape. on We Heart It.
Sometimes I think of Kayla as this sweet little girl, trapped„wanting to get out, run away from everything bad in her life, everything that holds her hostage. I think when things fell apart between her and her mom and she was so close to moving here and she was so excited because I think deep down its something she’d been wanting for along time. And then she was sucked back into a world she has no control in, no voice, no opinion; sucked back in by the devil’s deception. I know she was so excited to come here, to start out on this new adventure for the most part on her own. But then she got scared that maybe people were right and she was walking down the wrong path. But I KNOW one million percent in my heart that every time it gets harder on her and all she feels she has is Elijah, that its God trying to guide her here. I KNOW that her destiny is here. The guy she’s meant to spend forever with. The guy who will support everything she does and love her and Elijah like they’ve never known. The God-fearing man who’s been waiting for her…I think we already know him or something. :) I pray one day soon she will follow the Holy Spirit’s lead….
This town has nothing to offer but tears and heartache. When i turn 18 im leaving im ready for a fresh start something bigger then what i can ever have here. Im ready to be able to finally live
I hope she knows if she ever feels like that again, we are forever here for her.
Not to spoil her surprise but this is what’s been waiting for her in a small “Happy Birthday” wrapped box. I won’t spoil what it says on the back. Engraved. :) Keep praying one day her daddy can give it to her, because he saw it and said “That’s what I want to get her for her birthday!”
i love my dad so much
never take advantage of parents that love and always support you.